All the News…..

Trying to stay up on the news but confused by the proliferation of misinformation about Covid, climate change deniers and lies about a stolen election? In a time where black is white and white is black, and every fact is subject to partisan challenge, it is time to sort out reality from fantasy. For that purpose, I have provided the following handy glossary to help explain some of the common terminology that we hear and read about every day. I hope that these definitions will eliminate some of the confusion that arises in our everyday discourse with our fellow Americans.

Bigotry: Jon Gruden.

Build Back Better: Part of a progressive agenda that is intended to improve the lives of many Americans but is labelled by its opponents as nothing more than a Soviet-style Five-Year Plan.

COP26: A gathering in Glasgow, Scotland where world leaders dithered while the planet fries.

Critical Race Theory (CRT): Either an attempt to explain the role of slavery in our nation’s founding or a means to get white people to hate themselves that is taught virtually nowhere below the graduate school level.

Cryptocurrency: A virtual asset that no one in the universe can explain.

Executive Privilege: An untested Constitutional theory under which an ex-President claims that advocating the violent reversal of a fair and free election was part of the duties of his office.

Facebook: A social media behemoth that both Democrats and Republicans agree is evil.

Freedom: Britney Spears.

Gerrymandering: Where adults imitate childrens’ art to dictate the future of our country.

Inflation: When used cars sell for more than new ones.

InfoWars: A website that uses vicious lies about the murder of innocent children to sell vitamin supplements.

Mask and Vaccine Mandates: Measures taken to protect the health of the ignorant from their irrational decisions but mistaken by some as a rebirth of the Third Reich.

Meta: Formerly Facebook.

Parents’ Rights: Book banning.

Self-Defense: A legal strategy under which a man carrying a gun to a protest rally claims innocence when he kills an unarmed man trying to stop him from using it.

Texas: A place where you can’t tell people what to do, but you can tell women what they can’t.

Well, there you have it. Now you are well-equipped to discuss the issues of the day with your co-workers in a rational manner while you pretend to conduct business over Zoom. Stay tuned for the next lesson in civic responsibility called “The Constitution and You: The Common Good Be Damned.”