“Come on Down”

Greg Gnall
2 min readJul 13, 2022

Tired of the snowy, cold winters of the North? Don’t want your hard earned carried interest taxed at exorbitant rates? Incensed at having your children brainwashed by critical race theory and gay and transgender indoctrination? Then listen to the words of 1960s Northeast Airlines pitchman Jim Dooley and follow the lead of Ken Griffin of Citadel, real estate baron Barry Sternlicht and takeover king Carl Icahn and move your firm to Miami and help pave the way for that city to become the new Silicon Valley without the liberal claptrap.

Miami, and the rest of Florida, offer more than low taxes, however. Among the many positive business trends, consider the following distinct advantages:

Missing the Trumps? You can cavort with Ivanka and Jared at their cozy new place in Surfside where they frolic thanks to the billions they “earned” during their years of public service. If you really miss the Big Guy, Mar-a-Lago is just up the road.

Don’t Say Gay.” Recently passed legislation prevents your young children from learning that “you can be whoever you want to be,” according to Governor and Trump heir apparent Ron DeSantis. When it comes to schools, parents rule.

The Second Amendment on Steroids. Almost anyone can get a hand gun, which is clearly needed to guard your mansion in your gated community. But, when you do venture out, you have the right to “stand your ground” and use your weapon to mow down any dangerous looking (i.e. minority) person whom you claim to fear on the flimsiest of suspicions.

Who Needs Women’s Rights? The Big Enchilada. Florida’s 15 week restriction on abortion is bound to be shortened, despite some equivocation from DeSantis, and an explicit right to privacy in the state constitution. While that might deter some morally depraved women from joining your firm, it shouldn’t prevent you from shuttling your profligate daughter or inconvenient mistress on your private jet for a much needed “vacation” in a more accommodative blue state.

See the Future. Wherever climate change is taking us, Miami is likely to get there first. Situated at sea level, Miami is “ground zero” for measuring rising seas. But, fear not. Careful real estate investing will guarantee that your home will be oceanfront. At worst, drastic changes will force you to reside on your gargantuan yacht.

Taxes, Taxes, Taxes. Or the lack thereof. The issue clearly motivates all true patriots. Leave all of the suckers back in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut with their confiscatory tax schemes and the strict limits on the SALT deduction and live in [Low] Tax Heaven.

Weather. Miami’s weather is perfect. Perfect except for the stifling heat, tortuous humidity and the threat of more frequent and destructive hurricanes.

If all of these advantages aren’t enough for you, consider Texas for the new home for your business. You get most of the Florida advantages and then some including an almost total ban on abortion, open carry just about everywhere and even hotter weather. Concerned about the failing power grid? Just blame it on renewables like Governor Greg Abbott. And keep those air conditioners blasting.