I Heard You Paint Houses

Well, here we are at a point which was inevitable from the moment Donald J. Trump was elected President of the United States: on the verge of impeachment. Alleged Russian collusion in his election, apparent obstruction of justice over the Mueller investigation, shady payoffs to a stripper and a Playboy Playmate, violations of the emoluments clause and more have not done him in so far. But, could it be that a phone call with newly elected Ukrainian comedian turned President Volodymyr Zelensky that Trump (who could also be called a comedian turned president if buffoonery counted as comedy) has called “beautiful” and “perfect,” will be the beginning of the end for the most unqualified, inept, immoral and corrupt president this country has ever, and likely, will ever have? The call exhibited a shameless abuse of power by implying the withholding of aid unless his main political rival is investigated, a quid pro quo that more closely resembles the machinations of a banana republic or former Soviet satellite than a nation that Ronald Reagan called a “shining city on a hill.”

The conversation, which those very few in the White House who have some connection to reality recognized as problematic and did their best to hide, may seem somewhat innocuous in its phrasing, but one must translate it into the lexicon of the mob bosses of Trump’s native New York City to fully understand its meaning. A language that Trump knows all too well, and that has been meticulously constructed to allow plausible deniability to those giving directions to perform the most vile acts.

To those who prefer to watch The Sound of Music on TCM rather than The Godfather Trilogy, Mean Streets or Goodfellas, here is a handy guide to the way Trump’s call to the hapless Zelensky would sound in a Scorsese film and which gives you better insight into its real meaning.

Congratulations on a great victory. We all watched from the United States and you did a terrific job. The way you came from behind, somebody who wasn’t given much of a chance, and you ended up winning easily.

Translation: “This is the business we have chosen.”
-Lee Strasberg as Hyman Roth in The Godfather Part II

The other thing. There’s a lot of talk about Biden’s son, that Biden stopped the prosecution and a lot of people want to find out about that so whatever you can do with the Attorney General would be great.

Translation: “I want him dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna piss on his ashes!”
-Robert DeNiro as Al Capone in The Untouchables

[t]he United States has been very very good to Ukraine. I wouldn’t say that it’s reciprocal necessarily because things are happening that are not good but the United States has been very very good to Ukraine.

Translation: “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.”
-Marlon Brando as Vito Corleone in The Godfather

I would like you to do us a favor…

Translation: “I heard you paint houses.”
-Al Pacino as Jimmy Hoffa soliciting a potential mob hit in The Irishman

Mr. Giuliani is a highly respected man.

Translation: “You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, You’re going to like this guy. He’s all right. He’s a good fella. He’s one of us.”
-Ray Liotta as Henry Hill in Goodfellas

Of course, we all know where we are headed. A lot of drama and name calling. Impeachment in the House. Acquittal in a Senate that is controlled by lackeys who will do anything to save themselves from the wrath of an infantile egotist and a primary challenge. Maybe enough of Trump playing the victim to rile up his base to ensure his re-election. But someone has to stand up and say it’s not right. They only have the Constitution to back them up.