Secret Service: SMS

The Georgia Grand Jury, the January 6 Committee, the New York Attorney General investigation, the seemingly stagnant Manhattan DA probe, the plea deal for his former accountant, etc., etc. Yes, former President Donald Trump’s legal woes seem to mount by the day. So many that the missing text messages of the Secret Service agents who were assigned to him on that fateful January 6 have almost become an afterthought. But the mysterious deletions, the scrubbing of texts due to new cellphone assignments, the Secret Service Inspector General’s recalcitrance to cooperate with the January 6 Committee. Isn’t there something rotten in Denmark here?

Just what was in those messages? Or is the mystery surrounding their disappearance just another legal foofaw that Trump and his supporters insist is part of “the greatest political Witch Hunt in history?” Well it seems that some of the texts did manage to survive, and your intrepid reporter managed to secure a snippet of those messages. The following is a (more or less) accurate transcription of one.

(Unidentified Agent # 1): MOGUL (Trump’s SS Code name) wants me to drive him to the Capitol.

(Unidentified Agent # 2): What does that crazy SOB think he is going to do there?

(UA # 1): He wants to lead “his people” to ensure that democracy survives.

(UA # 2): You mean to protect Vice President Pence from the angry mob?

(UA # 1): Hell no! He is googling “How to tie a noose.”

(UA # 2): Well, how the f**k are we supposed to keep him safe from a bunch of crazy loons with weapons?

(UA # 1): He says they are not there to harm him.

(UA # 2): Yes, I am sure we can trust the guy with the fur vest and the Viking helmet (LOL).

(UA # 1): U R right. Taking him back to the WH stat.

(UA # 2): Copy that.

(UA # 1): Wait. He is trying to grab the wheel. @^*%$$@######

(UA # 2): Agent X, are you there?

(UA # 1): Had to put him in a chokehold to restrain him.

(UA # 2): Under control now?

(UA # 1): Yes. He is a big guy but soft as a marshmallow.

(UA # 2): Whoever thought this job could be so difficult?

(UA # 1): If only the country knew how hard we work to protect them.

(UA # 2): Yes, but mostly from the crazies at the top.

(UA # 1): I think I need to tell the wife that it’s time to buy that place in the Poconos.

(UA # 2): Copy that.